I am beginning to think my cute, little blog is a way for me to rant and rave. With that said, I encountered the nastiest customer this past Sunday. Nasty customer will be NC, nasty customer’s daughter will be LP for little pig and SF will be nasty customer’s scary friend. All three came in together and LP was soaking wet. NC said they just went to the zoo and got wet. Since when did the zoo have water rides?? NC said she wanted to pick out some school clothing for LP and a new outfit for today since she was soaked. LP went into the dressing room with a bunch of clothing and found a pair of pants and tank top that she put on, along with a new pair of underwear from a pack of three pair. The remaining two pair of underwear were left in the package and placed on the counter with a headband that NC said she was going to buy. LP was approximately 7 years old and having tantrums every six seconds because she didn’t like SF picking out things for her, she wanted a pretzel and NC was taking too long in the store. About 15 minutes into their shopping expedition LP breaks into a tantrum to top them all. LP and NC were standing right next to my sales associate so she heard everything. LP was apparently crying because the new underwear she had on was too big and she didn’t like it. WWANMD? What would a normal mother do? Buy the three pack of underwear and keep them for when she is a little bigger, since the LP was already wearing the one pair for 15 minutes. But no, here in Missouri, where you can act like a dirty, white trash, hoosier, piece of crap and get away with it, she decides to let the LP take the underwear off and then proceeds to fold them and put them back in the bag. Not. Kidding. My sales associate tells me what happened and I put the bag with her pile of clothing. NC checks out and tells me she is not going to pay for the underwear. I tell her she is. She tells me she isn’t. Guess who won?
Buffet Pants July 21, 2011
I did not wear my buffet pants tonight and I was hurtin. Mike and I went to Happy China Buffet on Olive and it was amazing as usual. I love me some chinese; so much so, I am surprised I haven’t turned Chinese. Fried rice, steamed rice, chow mein, pot stickers, egg rolls, sweet and sour chicken, garlic chicken, fried shrimp, mongolian beef…yum, yum and yum! This place is awesome, even though the lady that runs it is like a mini Hitler, barking orders at everyone. The best part is the soda…I love my diet Pepsi and the cups they have are 32 ounces…big suckers that you need two hands to hold on to. Love it! Have a wonderful Friday y’all! (Now I’m a Chinese cowgirl!!)
Help the help July 20, 2011
Oh my goodness…do I attract freakshows? Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says, “If you are insane, come work for me”? I recently went out with my dear friend Karen, who has been an employee of mine at three different companies. I’m a great boss, what can I say?
We were reminiscing about the weirdos we worked with and I have decided that I could have a reality show about customer service retail employees. I already have a title picked out for my show; “How Can I help you, bitch”? Let me introduce to you my top five all time freakiest past employees…
5. Miss Poor Missouri – This idiot couldn’t budget her paycheck to
clothe her son, but she sure could smoke two packs a day.
My final straw: When she said she couldn’t afford toilet paper and
asked me if she could take some from our store restroom.
4. Miss Drag Queen – Dude looked like a lady and apparently
partied so hard that on her Sunday shifts she would hole up in
the handicap dressing room and take a nap.
3. Miss Do You Wanna Get High?- Apparently I was the only one
who didn’t know Miss Doobie was higher than a kite at work, all
day, every day. My bad. Since I don’t smoke the reefer, I don’t
know the side effects or what to check for; although my first clue
should’ve been when a friend brought me a bbq plate from her
auntie’s birthday party and I ate a little bit, offering the rest to Miss
Doobie. She cleaned it and licked the paper plate in 3.7 seconds,
while gulping down the rest of my grape soda.
2. Back Fat – This was a tough choice to make her #2 and not crown
her, but you’ll soon find out why she is not in the top slot. I totally
understand if you are a big girl and need to wear plus -sizes…I’m
all for it, because I am large and in charge…BUT, I wear clothing
that fits me. I don’t try to squeeze into a large juniors size baby
tee when I know my muffin top will be showing. Back Fat got her
name wheh she would continue to wear low rise pants and too
small t-shirts that would roll up in the back area. It wasn’t pretty.
In addition to that visual, let me offer up another tidbit of lovely info
on Employee of the Year runner up: she loved to go online and
sign up for dating services and have the men come to the store
while I wasn’t there. She claims it was safer for the men to come
to a public location rather than her house. Obviously we’re dealing
with a member of MENSA here, so please, let’s cut her some
slack. When the mens weren’t coming to the store, she was
instant messaging them on our company computer system. Our
IT department got a whiff of this and printed out several hundred
pages of conversations. My district manager came in to fire her
and was so mad, I literally saw steam coming from her ears. My
DM read some of the lines from the conversations and my jaw
dropped. I am rarely speechless…I am usualy the crude one and
inappropriate…even I heard some new words and I think there were
descriptions of new positions I have never tried and I’m not sure I
want to…I’m not a human pretzel.
1. Cape Pension – (Drum roll please…….) We have come to our #1
crazy employee. She was with the company for 17 years when I
came in as the Store Manager. She was still a sales associate
and quite possibly the laziest, meanest, smelliest, rudest person I
have ever laid eyes upon. Apparently she went through several
managers and was quite proud of her success rate at scaring
them and other employees off due to her horrible attitude. Why
was she not let go years and years ago, you ask? Good
question; I asked that at least twenty-three times over the year I
was there. She had a Cape/shawl/sweater/piece of crap thing
she would wear day in and day out, regardless if it was 98 degrees
or eleven below. She was so proud of this cape; she said she got
it at a tag sale. I don’t think it was ever washed. Ever. It could
literally stand up on it’s own. Karen and I used to hide it from
her. We also plotted ways to burn it. It smelled like dog poop
left out in the sun for four days and then mixed with outdated
milk. Besides her cape smelling, she would take shit breaks for
a half our at a time, stinking up the entire backroom and clogging
the damn toilet because she used half a roll of toilet paper at a
time. I wrote her up several times but the company wouldn’t let
me fire her. I finally left because of another job offer and Karen
took my place. Karen finally got to fire her. A few weeks after
Karen let her go she received a magical letter from the Cape
Employee asking when she would start receiving her pension. I
am still laughing about this and it’s four years later.
That is all folks. Glad to be back with my rants and have a good night. xoxo Megan
Middle of the Year Resolution July 17, 2011
I love reading blogs. I do it every day. So why can’t I find the time to update mine? Good question. I have some middle of the year resolutions and keeping up with my blog is one of them. The other two are to start scrapbooking weekly and to start exercising, even if it’s for 15 minutes a day. Let’s see which resolution I break first!
There is a lot to catch you up on; too much so I will start off with a pissed off rant about today. My dear friend Kim is in town until this Wednesday because her mom passed away. Mike and I wanted to see her, her daughter Katie and Kim’s dad before they left. I called our friend Kevin to go along because before Kevin got married, him, Mike, Kim and I would hang out. We all decide to go to Tucker’s Place in South County. Tucker’s is known for their good food and reasonable prices and I have never had an issue with the location by my house in West County. We all meet and sit down and our waitress seems normal. The busboy, bless his heart, was a total doll and worked his ass off refiling drinks, bringing extra napkins, dressing, etc. We get the bill all on one ticket. We ask for the bill to be separated into three bills and this is where the waitress gets a little coockoo for cocoa puffs. She brings one bill out again but separated it by our meals. The first group of four leave a $10 tip, Mike and I leave a $6 tip; both of our groups pay in cash telling the waitress no change is needed. Kevin and his wife, Dawn, are about to put their bill on their credit card when the waitress asks if she can charge the rest of the tip on the credit card as well as Kevin and Dawn’s meals. I was confused and asked her what she was talking about…she tells me the table still owes her $11 in tips besides the $7 tip she wants Kevin and Dawn to add to their bill. WTF? Not wanting to make a scene, I hand over another $20 to her and she gives us $9 back. Now, I am no mathmetician, but we gave her $10, $6, $11 and $7 in tips; totalling $34.00. Now I am outraged because this chick has scammed us. I look at the bottom of the receipt she has circled the 20% tip guide that says $24.12 for a tip but she is making us fork over $34.00 in tips. I ask to see a menu again and the waitress mysteriously disappears. A menu is brought out and at the bottom it states that if your party is 10 or more, a 20% gratuity will be added to the bill. We didn’t have 10 or more in our party and since when in the hell do you decide on what tip percentage you are going to receive?? By this time smoke is coming out of my ears and I am seeing my next years in an orange jumpsuit because I am going pummel this chick, so my darling husband takes charge and goes to see the manager. The manager is shocked that the waitress charged us an automatic gratuity since we only had 8 people total and goes to find the waitress to question her. She lies and claims she didn’t make us pay her any amount of tip, blah, blah, blah. It’s our word against the whore’s since we paid cash. The manager claims he is going to take the money out of this waitresses paycheck, but who really knows? Waiters and waitresses deal with money 24/7 and can add and subtract like no other people….she knew what she was doing; she was trying to screw us; and that she did. The manager gives us a $25 gift certificate for another meal. I don’t want that…I want the $17 tip I just gave this stupid whore. We gave her a $17 tip on a $38 bill and she still had the original $10 tip from Kim. Kevin and Dawn, who paid by credit card gave her zero tip. What I take away from this experience is don’t ever pay cash and don’t ever eat at the south county Tucker’s Place. Oh, and don’t trust whores who are waitresses!